Rockville review

Our family Christmas letter mentioned that I had written additional thoughts on my time in the Rockville Correctional Facility after the summer conference held there.  Here it is...

A not-so-brief summary of thoughts after visiting

Rockville Correctional Facility

Written August 2015 by Charity

It has been almost four weeks since I first entered the Rockville Correctional Facility.  As one who nearly always has something to say, the words to summarize my time there seem slow to come.  My head and heart are full and running over with thoughts, consuming days and stealing nighttime, but language is inadequate.  Words cannot truly describe what is happening in that place.  Our Father God is present and the Holy Spirit is moving as women learn more about their salvation through Jesus Christ.

Going into a prison for the first time, my excitement ran higher than the bit of nervousness I felt over this new experience.  Clearing security and making our way to the education building became routine over the weekend.  Twenty-six of the twenty-eight women are Caucasian, so there is no feeling of being a minority; and it seems I’m close to the median age.  Times of singing and prayer during our sessions felt familiar – like other women’s Bible studies.  Twenty years ago I catechized under Rev. Anema, now teaching the Heidelberg to these ladies who call him “Professor.”  Topics of forgiveness, communion of the saints, justified by faith alone – all of these – commonplace to a veteran Reformed girl.

Girl.  That is how I felt.  Young.  Insufficient.  Quickly impressed by the knowledge these women possess, both in doctrine and the Bible.  How can this be?  Many are new to faith and I have never known a time without the Lord.  While I don’t claim to have all the answers, self-consciousness crept in over how seemingly little I know.

But it isn’t really about what I know or not.  The rub for me during these days and sleepless nights is between my head knowledge and how I put this professed faith into action.  The women I met are urgently trying to figure out how to be godly women.  They are active.  Pursuing.  There are no facades.  No fake smiles and an “I’m good” to cover up petty, sinful thoughts.  With the purpose of becoming godly in mind, one woman looked to us “experienced” Christian women with mournful tears and a gut-wrenching question, “Does it get any easier?!?!  I look at myself and my heart is SO UGLY!  I. am. so. filled. with. sin!”  I sit, then and now, with tears running down my face because I want to shout out, “NO!  It does not get easier because we are all steeped in sin!”  Truth is, I deserve life behind bars.  I am also an offender.  I am no different.  Thankfully, my sisters on the inside and me – we serve the same God.  He has washed us both clean and given us the same promises and hope in Jesus Christ.  One remarkable difference is the way that these ladies are transparent and foster accountability as they confess to one another.  I am glad Rev. Anema encouraged the women by pointing out how it seems they are more mature in this area than those of us on the outside.  What a challenge for me to make changes.

As the weekend came to a close I had much to consider.  With swirling thoughts, it was hard to leave.  No, it hurt to leave.  We volunteers felt as though we were abandoning our dear friends.  Like Paul, we say “But since we were torn away from you, brothers {sisters}, for a short time, in person not in heart, we endeavored the more eagerly and with great desire to see you face to face…” 1 Thessalonians 2:17.

Unknowingly, I would not have to wait long before returning!  Attending the graduation exercises this past Friday {August 8th} was a privilege.  A newly formed seminary choir, graduate addresses and volunteer testimonies were highlights!  Even Chaplain Hayes needed a wad of T.P. to get through his comments!

Graduation often marks the end of something but in this case, it does not.  There is going to be a fall Bible study.  What a relief that is on both sides of the fence!  We will be able to learn alongside one another again soon!  In 1 Thessalonians 3:9-10, following Timothy’s report of faithfulness, Paul says, “For what thanksgiving can we return to God for you, for all the joy that we feel for your sake before our God, as we pray most earnestly night and day that we may see you face to face and supply what is lacking in your faith?”

While I am very excited to return, I still have a sense of “Now what?”  How do we continue to build relationships with the women behind bars?  How do we express the importance of having more people involved in this endeavor?  What should we do when women are released and what will that look like?  How do I encourage others to engage in this ministry?  I must give testimony to God’s good work at Rockville.  To God be the glory, great things he has done!

“Now may our God and Father himself, and our Lord Jesus, direct our way to you, and may the Lord make you increase and abound in love for one another and for all, as we do for you, so that he may establish your hearts blameless in holiness before our God and Father, at the coming of our Lord Jesus with all his saints.”  1 Thessalonians 3:11-13

Christmas 2013

I usually send out a letter with our annual Christmas picture.  This year I had it all typed and ready to go...but then our printer went out.  Bummer.  I held the photos, hoping I could fix the printer or have the letter printed at Staples.  It is December 30, and neither of those things happened...so...here it is...our 2013 letter!

Dear Family and Friends,

Warm greetings to you this holiday season!  We have lots to catch up on…since last year was busy and we didn’t send out an annual letter or card!  Let’s get right to it then, shall we?

In my ponderings about this letter, one word repeatedly came to mind: blessed.  Our hearts and home have overflowed with blessings over the last two years, to the point that it is hard for me, even me, to put it into words.  We have become increasingly aware of God’s presence and leading in our lives and that causes us to praise Him in all things!  In the last year this became clearer as Bill and I each lost a grandfather.  We can look through our tears and see the blessing of grandfathers that led their families in faith, and this gives us hope as we look toward eternal life in Christ for those who trust in Him!

While we have known loss, our home has also been filled with family and friends.  Our most frequent overnight guests are my sister, Bethany, and her husband, Adam.  They married in July 2012 and live in Minnesota.  We have been able to visit them a few times, and most recently spent our Thanksgiving weekend with them and witnessed the baptism of their son, Jonathan Taylor.

Lest you think I’m playing favorites, my brothers have had changes in their families too!  Daniel & Patti welcomed Tyler John this summer.  Aubrey Joy (Philip & Sarah) just celebrated her 1^st birthday on December 3^rd.  In May we anticipate a wedding celebration for Mark and his fiancée Christie!  All these activities keep my parents busy, so we are thankful to be able to have them spend time with us on occasion too!  We just spent a day downtown Chicago together and over Thanksgiving we visited the Sertoma Butterfly House & Marine Cove in Sioux Falls, SD – it is a fun place to visit for adults and kids!

On Bill's side of the family things have also been pretty busy!  The fall of 2012, Bill and I spent LOTS of time at his parent’s house in Tinley.  They put on an addition and reconfigured their kitchen.  Bill had his hand in a number of projects associated with that, and I was able to help with decorating and organizing.  Todd and Kim must have been inspired because their family moved to a farmhouse and revamped the interior…which meant that Bill had more flooring to do and I got to go shopping for furniture again!  With the pending addition of Parker Ben in May 2012, Jay, Sandy and Charlie moved to a house on the Northwest side of the city.  Now they are beginning the process of redoing their kitchen, so it will be exciting to see how that turns out!

Although Kim and Sandy’s families have moved, we have decided to hang tight in Lansing for a while.  With all the redecorating we helped with, Bill got the itch to make some changes here.  If you haven’t seen them already, please come by to see our updated kitchen, new trim and doors, freshly painted banisters, some new flooring and a new roof (which looks great, but wasn’t in the plan…bummer!).

When you stop by, prepare yourself to be greeted by the newest addition to our family…Riggins!  He is a Chesapeake Bay Retriever puppy that we gave to our kids as a gift last Christmas and we intended for him to be an outdoor dog.  He is currently sleeping at my feet…and I am not typing this on the patio…  We love having him – and that says a lot for this girl!

Although the exact reason we got a puppy may not be known, it could be linked to our kids growing up.  Annika and Emma turned ten in November.  TEN!!  I’m pretty sure I just blinked and that happened.  Bill is taking it even harder than me!  Despite our angst, they are becoming really lovely young ladies.  Both girls continue in GEMS and with piano lessons.  Annika has a knack for memorizing music, and it is fun to see her develop that.  She is very good at knowing how to help around the house and works cheerfully without being asked.  This summer the girls participated in Lansing Volleyball and Emma enjoyed improving her skills on the court.  She also has her eye on fashion and is a girly-girl.  We count on her to play with Riggins and wear him out!  These days we often find the twins with their noses in a book J

Nolan has learned how to read in the last year and enjoys reading the Bible for devotions at the dinner table.  This past summer he was thrilled to play Little League for the “Dodgers.”  He did great for his first year and was chosen to play in the All Stars game…an especially rewarding moment for his dad J  He is very tenderhearted and quick to compliment, especially his mom.  We just moved the office so he has his own room downstairs and he seems to be enjoying having a space to himself.

Switching rooms means that Tessa-girl also has her own room.  She may have a harder time adjusting since she is an out-going girlie and hasn’t met anyone yet that she doesn’t fully expect will be her new best friend.  

Tessa is charming and loveable…and we’re usually thankful that she is so spunky!  She loves going to Sunday School and Little Lambs and has lively stories for us about the happenings!

An important change for our family was the decision to send our children to Providence Christian Academy, beginning fall of 2012.  We have been incredibly blessed by the school – the teachers, the vision of the board, and the families involved.  Bill has been part of the land acquisition committee and I am involved with the moms in organizing various school programs including being part of a committee that planned fundraising dinners in the fall for the last two years.  We are grateful to be part of this community that has become an extension of our family.

Oak Glen URC continues to be a place where we are growing in faith.  In October 2012 Bill initiated the start up of a “Men’s Life” group that has been doing a topical study on the characteristics of godly men.  He has known spiritual growth and has been challenged to participate in worship at Divine Hope Reformed Bible Seminary, which meets in Danville Correctional Center (IL).  He looks forward to attending his first worship service there in the January.

In addition to having godly friends at church, we enjoy fellowship with friends in other circles.  For the last ten years I have

had the privilege to gather with five other women every other month – our faith and friendship have deepened, and we enjoy times of sweet communion as we encourage and strengthen one another.  Bill and I have enjoyed “newer” friendships with people that don’t linger on surface conversation, which encourages and blesses us too!

We have certainly known abundant blessing and pray that you are able to reflect on this past year (or two!) and see blessings in your life.  Most importantly, our understanding of God’s grace has deepened…placing us each on the same playing field…removing all economic, gender, race, social, etc. barriers.  We are all broken by sin and in need of a Savior, and the good news is that through faith in Christ we can all be blessed with forgiveness, giving us reason to live a life of thanksgiving for HIS glory!

Rocking

From inside the office we snickered.  I imagined a red-faced boy up-close-and-personal with one of his sisters. "DO NOT YELL IN MY FACE!" we had heard him scream.  Minutes passed and I emerged. 

The sisters three had left behind a brother self-soothing, rocking in his preferred spot on the couch.  He softly hummed a tune known only to him.  Instinctively and without words I sat in the rocker, motioning for him to come to me.  "He just needs some love," I thought.  He kept humming and made his way to my outstretched hands.  One nearly dry tear on his cheek, he crawled up, settling on my shoulder.  Arms stretching out and wrapping around my shoulders.  Soft humming.

I began rocking.
Holding my boy.
Silent loving.
Soft humming.

His humming continued for a few minutes.  I felt him relax.  His breathing changed and his humming subsided.  Seconds passed and humming resumed.  Seconds later he stopped and I assumed his eyes had closed. 

Rocking.
Cheek pressing forehead.

Moments turned to minutes and I knew he had succombed to sleep.  My thoughts focused on this not-so-little boy I call my own.  When was the last time he fell asleep in my arms?  Will this be the last time I experience this motherhood joy with my not-so-little boy?

Smallish hand muscles twitching.
Breathing quiet.
Hot tears spilling.

I remember when I rocked him daily.  Some days he would sleep soundly, just like this.  Those little baby hands would jerk as he moved deeper into sleep.  Air escapes in small squeaky moans, just as they did then. 

Thoughts turn to a yearning held deep in my heart.  Will I not hold another small child of my own?  Rocking, seeing tiny hands twitch?  Loving my baby as the cries subside and sleep takes hold?  Pain.

Rocking.
Mourning.
Streaming tears.
Minutes passing.

He stirs, eyes opening.  I fear this tender time is over.  He shifts and settles back on my shoulder.  I am grateful he rests quietly in my arms.  Arms also sleeping under his five year old weight.  Washer and dryer chime in tandum as soft snoring resonates within me, just above my heart.

I see the motionless clock on the wall.  Jealous.  I want time to stop in this moment.  To continue endlessly in this euphoria with one of my babies in my arms.

Pausing.

Knowing time cannot be stilled, I thank God.  Thank you, Lord, for four beautiful babies.  Thank you for this not-so-little boy needing his mama today and for giving quiet moments.  Thank you for stirring up pain and causing me to reflect on blessing.  Help me to move forward in thankfulness.

My boy stirs.
Rocking slows.
Smiling through brimming tears.

God is good and gracious.

Heart overflowing with thankfulness.

Dear Mrs. DV****

Awhile back I headed to Michigan for the day in the middle of the week.  We didn't want the girls to miss school, so they went to work with Bill in the morning and sat on the customer's couch while he coated the floor.  Apparently they behaved really well because this customer, who happens to be our Relationship Banker (aka - teller), gave me a phone call a few days later and asked me how to spell Annika.  She said she "wanted to give them a little something" for being so well behaved.  It so happens that she has Bill back to do more work for her this week, and she sent the "little something" home in envelopes that read,
"To Annika (Emma)
Have fun shopping!
From Mrs. DeV****"

Inside their own envelopes, each daughter found $20 in $2 bills.  Here are the notes that they are sending to work with Bill tomorrow :)

Dear Mrs. DeV****                            6/11/2012
Thank you for 20 Dollers.  When me and Emma
opened the envelopes we started yelling, "WOW."
Yay 20 Dollers!"  Thank you!  Thank you!
Thank you!
                     Love,
                           your,
                                  friend,
                                           from,
                                                  the,
                                                       Banke,
                                             Annika Joy
                                                          R*******


Dear Mrs. DeV****,                         6/11/2012
THANK YOU for the $20! There
great!  Speaking of shopping, I went
shopping all day. No stopping. (Unless
we went to lunck and driving :).)
God bless you all through the
                summer. (Stay cool :).)
                   Love,
                       Emma             :)
                               R*******

One week into summer break...

Dear A, E, N & T,

Would you stop please?  Today you have been asking constantly if we are going to the pool.  Your rather horrific behavior this morning has made me pretty sure we aren't going.  Your constant asking of "are we going to the pool?" is really driving me nuts.  Really. Nuts.  So much so that I would love to go to the pool and relax.  But that is beside the point.  Stop asking...and maybe you'll get lucky.

Mom.

(a peek into the life of this fickle mother torn between what I want and what I should or should not do...)

Re-managing Laundry

I believe that we are created to work - and this belief is not lost on my children. Like it or not, when there is work to be done, they will be called into service. The process of molding my children into cheerful workers has not always been great, and we certainly have not reached a point that I'm going to say we've accomplished this part of child-rearing. It takes diligence and consistency - like pretty much everything in life! And a large part of the process is definitely me learning that their work will not always be done in the same manner as I do it, and most often not to the exact level that I would do it. Finding a corner of the bookcase that didn't get dusted, or a spot missed on the floor - well, that's going to happen. However, our kids need to be taught to work, from early on, so that they will know how to work when they leave this nest.

This teaching is ever-evolving. My 3yo Tessa-girl is able to wipe baseboards and pick up toys, but I wouldn't trust her to clean the toilets (haha...see post below!). But I have 8yo girls now...and while they are great at baseboards and have moved up to washing dishes unsupervised, there is a lot more they are capable of doing. So, I'm slowly but surely teaching them other duties - to "spread the wealth" of responsibility. To this point, I have created a lovely chart to assist them, in assisting me, in doing the laundry. Now, I'm told that you don't need to separate laundry into as many loads as I do, and that it is possible that the laundry comes out ok - but I don't buy it yet. Not to mention, we have lots of bodies, and we create lots of laundry. Add in keeping on top of changing the sheets and the towels...yeah...its no surprise that "Mount Washmore" is referenced frequently by many mothers!

For your viewing pleasure, and hopefully a help for someone else looking to re-manage the laundry...here is what I came up with.


I recently made my own laundry soap for the first time using this recipe. I have found that it cleans the clothes well and doesn't have a strong smell (I'm pretty sensitive about some detergent scents). When I bought a storage container at Sam's Club for my 25 lb. flour bags, there were a number of smaller containers included that had 2 tablespoon scoops attached which I am using for the soap.

The kids all have helped with laundry in the past, but limited to the physical switching of the loads or some light folding (towels, sock matching). Bill & I have a 3-part laundry sorter that is separated into Bill's work clothes, whites and everything else. I typically sort the "everything else" and then sort the kids clothes. Annika and Emma have recently learned how to sort the kids clothes into whites, socks/underwear, clothes, pajamas and jeans. With this chart, I expect that the girls will be able to do some loads completely on their own. Here's to hoping...

Choosing Joy

Do you find that there are times in your life that you are just really focused on working at something? Specifically, changing your thinking? Well, I have noticed lately that I am working on choosing joy and thankfulness. No pat on the back here...it wasn't a conscious thought. I don't have a 1,000 gifts journal going...yet. I'm certain this is just a prompting of the Holy Spirit as He works in my life. Often I am finding humor or thankfulness in the little parts of my day that I'd typically get upset about. Although it is a serious thought and I am thankful for this work in my life, today, here is where I found some joy.

While focusing on my older kids in the post-school-coming-in-the-door craziness, it escaped me that Tessa-girl disappeared upstairs and was playing in the bathroom. What I found was:

- roughly 100 Kleenex in the toilet
- 1/4 of the NEW toothpaste tube squeezed into the sink
- the handsoap dispenser emptied onto her little hands
- a drinking cup going between the toilet and sink with water...not exactly sure which direction though.

Typically, this would result in me yelling. Yep...yelling at my 3yo. By grace I didn't, and today I am thankful:

- She hadn't used the bathroom BEFORE putting Kleenex in the toilet.
- She didn't try to flush the toilet and clog it up.
- The toothpaste was limited to the sink, hadn't dried yet, and could easily be cleaned up.
- We have more soap.
- The drinking cup can easily be washed, and had not been spilled all over the floor while traversing between the toilet and sink.

I realize this is nothing. No big deal. In the day to day happenings of a household, sometimes these little things add up and unnerve the mama. Today that didn't happen. Thankful.